Nogales.....

Here I sit in a bed in my motel room at the Siesta Motel in Nogales, AZ.  This trip has been somewhat relaxing in that I did not cross into Mexico nor did I have a long list of things to do.  I also only rode the City Bus once - managed to get to the bus stop near the border and managed to get my things onto the bus and avoid a cab fare in doing so.  The weather has been nice and I even managed to get some cash back at the Church's chicken down the street from the Siesta.  The one thing that I DID do here?  I went to the Goodwill.  It was a bit picked over, truth be told.....I did not find much in the way of clothes this time but I DID find some bedding and some blankets that I can use.  And it was so nice to get out of Phoenix - big city life is so annoying.  And I guess I'm OK at both the hotel and in Nogales as the only issue I really had was with a woman at Goodwill who I found to be an utter C word.  

Life lesson from the utter C word - I should have just moved away and not responded at all.  When she compared the people lining up for new bins of goods to flies on shit (her very words) instead of responding the way I did I should have just moved away.  So now I have someone here who dislikes me.  Whatever.  The staff at the Goodwill and the manager there seem to like me and I'm glad for that much.  At least nothing came to bite me in the ass from the last time I was here and that one unfortunate evening.  This time around I didn't drink one iota - Thank God.  And I did not have to deal with US CBP as I did not cross the border.  Thank God. Honestly, there would not have been anything new or different there for me anyway.  

So now I'm packed up and I managed to condense things down to five pieces of baggage, so hopefully I will not be clobbered with add on fees by that schmuck who so often drives me.  I have a cab reserved from that young woman who hooked me up with a $40 shuttle to the Valley a few trips back when I had the luck of avoiding the schmuck.  We'll see if I have such luck again today.  One thing I will say - as I understand now that my life is NEVER going to be "normal" - a word I don't believe in in this context - I can truly see myself living somewhere like Nogales.  Something that I also understand - I would rather be here than the Hotel Mercurio in Puerto Vallarta - I would not fit in in that gayborhood crowd.  I don't know the rules in that setting and I am far too much my own person for such a crowd.  I remember reading somewhere than someone unique like myself - meaning a tad eccentric and non conforming to some degree - is going to have a difficult time in gay culture.  And I believe it's true.  Remember Juan Carlos from years ago who did not understand the places I wanted to visit and he even asked me Why These Places?  Remember the gay crowd at CPK and how I didn't fit in with them one iota?  That's not my tribe - those who live in the bars and the scene.....totally not my scene.   Even John Masciola - remember how he said I'd have to get used to the bars?  Ick, nothing at the bars but problems and BS.  Remember the one guy and what a flake he was - during my time at Chevy's?  There is nothing in that life for me.....just like there is nothing in Massachusetts for me.  

I've always been alone for the most part anyway and I am most comfortable alone.  Given how traumatic my life has been - why wouldn't I be most comfortable alone?  At least I can do basic social skills 101 - such as surface, superficial conversation with service workers.  

More later, Rob